
If ever a book needed to be a biography rather than an auto-biography, it is Simon Mann’s “Cry Havoc.”
What could have become, in the hands of a writer, a rather exciting derring-do, gung-ho type of book about white mercenaries trying to stage a coup in Africa is, instead, a badly written, profanity-laced, confusing story.
Not that I have any sympathy whatsoever with white mercenaries trying to stage a coup in Africa, you understand.
No sympathy whatsoever.
But I used to live in Africa, and was there all during that rather bizarre time when Simon Mann and his band of merry men were captured and put on trial. Given the South African angle, the fact that the coup-implicated Mark Thatcher was living in Cape Town, the whole drama played out to a slightly bemused African audience, including us. It was even rumoured, gleefully, in South Africa that Mr.Mann’s Equatorial Guinea coup plot was lifted from Frederick Forsyth’s 1974 thriller “The Dogs of War.”
So I was prepared to be open-minded.
Also, since the copy of the book I read was loaned to me by an old and dear friend of Mr. Mann, I was also possibly prepared to be a tad more sympathetic than usual.
But so alienating was the tone and style of the book, so utterly confusing was the narrative, that any flicker of sympathy was extinguished almost as soon as the book started.
This is his opening page acknowledgment, for goodness sake :
Confused ?
Mr. Mann tries, through his staccato, verb-less, effing and blinding style to portray himself as some kind of ethical saviour of the poor oppressed African blacks.
A word of warning, Mr. Mann mentions race and colour and being white a lot.
This saviour of the poor oppressed African blacks etc etc is how he talks up the previous mercenary coups he led in Sierra Leone and Angola. Yet the opening sentence of his prologue actually says it all.
“This about oil. Oil wars. In Africa mostly”
Precisely.
On the dust cover of Mr. Mann’s book is a quotation :
“When I set out to overthrow an African tyrant, I knew I would either make billions or end up getting shot…”
Precisely.
The book goes back and forth between the earlier coups and the preparations for the disastrous coup to Equatorial Guinea. A straight-line narrative would have helped clear the murky waters of politics, confusing acronyms, top-heavy descriptions of weaponry but Mr. Mann prefers to swing back and forth, rapidly losing the reader in the swirl of events and the random introduction of characters without any explanation.
The one constant in the book is his liberal use of the f word.
No-one is a prude these days, but the f word is not a consistent substitute for vocabulary :
I’ll spare you more quotations.
Mr. Mann sneers openly at the people he meets, be they African politicians :
or potential coup-backers and contacts, be they foreign :
or British :
Nor does he spare his former chum and investor, Mark Thatcher :
His dislike of his former friend knows no bounds :
“Loves to play the officer and gentleman” - harsh words from Mr. Mann, who tries to shield Mr. Thatcher later on, when he is being interrogated, because - well, because, Mr. Thatcher has connections :
The book covers in great detail Mr.Mann’s imprisonment in Zimbabwe, where the effing and blinding style gives way – just a little – to a searingly graphic account of the life he leads in prison. Mr. Mann is definitely a more sympathetic character in this section of the book, surviving what is clearly great deprivation, cruelty and terror.
And then the book stops. Just like that.
The Equatorial Guinea part of the book simply doesn’t happen.
One minute he is on a plane on the way there, terrified of facing torture and almost-guaranteed death, and then the next moment he is out, back in England with his beloved Amanda. Of his trial, he tells nothing.
Why ? Legal reasons, one presumes. Must be for the same reason that we never hear about the trial.
I never worked out who the Boss was. I thought it must be Tony Blair for a while, but am not so sure now.
Perhaps, one day, someone else will write the story of this failed coup attempt and fill in the blanks for us.
“Cry Havoc” is published by John Blake and the hardback costs £19.99



















